Heidi Belleau Reads

I write queer erotica and romance. I read it too!

5:00 pm 11 July 2012

I just couldn't get a handle on the ping-pong back and forth of the POV in this short. Two paragraphs in one dude's head, and then suddenly we were in the other dude's head. As such, I really didn't get to know either of the characters at all. I found it hard remembering who was Jeff and who was Greg. Actually, even now I don't remember. Which one played soccer?

This story would have benefited greatly from having either no pov shifts, or one major pov shift. As it was, it was sensory overload and I'm left not knowing who's who or what's what.

Which is really too bad, because ballgags are SO my kink.